


Eggxactly as Planned

by ixiepixie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Crossdressing, Fairy Tale Retellings, M/M, Theatre, usukustwiceperyear 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ixiepixie/pseuds/ixiepixie
Summary: Life isn't a high school musical, but that's not stopping these two.





	Eggxactly as Planned

**Author's Note:**

> Based on "The Child Who Came from an Egg" and written for the usukustwiceperyear event: Non D*dney Fairytales!

"Once upon a time--"

"Oh come ON Liz, that's the most cliched narration line." Arthur was reading over the script with disdain. "Is there nothing better?"

Eliza Herdavery, the drama club's resident script writer, gave Arthur a withering glare. "Is there something wrong with how I wrote this script? I'm adapting from an Estonian fairytale no one has heard of, people always hear those words at the beginning of fairy tales, so they will recognize it for what it is immediately. Eduard, continue."

The nervous narrator, and resident Estonian student cleared his throat, continuing. "Once upon a time, there was a King and Queen who wanted to have a child. The couple had tried everything local doctors and apothecaries had suggested, but nothing seemed to work."

The drama students all leaned forward, interested to hear the tale. This was their blind reading day, where they all sat down and read the lines so they could test accents and projection. For Liz, it was her dream come true day. She'd cast Arthur Kirkland, the school's very own thespian snob, alongside Alfred Jones, a sports star who had suddenly found interest in the stage. Their roles were hand picked by her too, and she was eager to see it all play out.

“One day, an old woman comes to the castle. In her arms is an unusually large egg.” Eduard continued as Katyusha, who was cast as the older woman, holds her backpack on her lap as if it were the egg.

“I can see you are grieving for you have no child in your womb,” she began in an older witch like voice, but changed it to sound more like a grandmother instead, “but fear not, sweet child. I have for you a very special egg. It will gift you with the child you so desire.”

Katyusha paused and looked up at Liz. “So wait, this egg is going to turn into a baby? Gosh, this is one strange fairytale...”

“You'll just have to keep reading to find out~” Liz winked at them all, then motioned for their reading to continue, which meant that the Queen was next.

Maddie, Alfred's quiet sister, had been cast as the Queen. She straightened up and tried to speak clearly. “An egg? Are you some sort of jester?”

Katyusha shook her head, getting into the role more. “Not at all my dear, I am simply a weary soul who knows how to help her Queen in this desperate time. Would you accept this egg from me?”

Eduard began narrating once more. “The Queen was hesitant, unsure of what manner of sorcery could turn an egg into a child. However, she had no other avenues left to her, and accepted the egg hesitantly.”

Maddie stood and retrieved the backpack from Kat, a little unsure how to hold it. Alfred snickered off to the side, whispering to his friend Gilbert, who had been cast as the King. “You're laying an egg with my sister dude, you gonna take responsibility?”

The two burst into a fit of laughter, earning an embarrassed glare from Maddie, and a seething look from Arthur. The green eyed ‘theatre snob’ stood and went behind the two, thwacking their heads with his script binder. “If you aren't going to take this seriously, then you can leave!”

Alfred rubbed his head, looking up at Arthur with a pout. “Aw come on, it's the first day! I'm new to this stuff! Isn't all this drama stuff supposed to be lots of fun backstage?”

Before the argument could escalate, their teacher, Mr. Vargas, clapped loudly. “Alright, alright! Calm down you lot! Arthur, I know you want to go into acting after you graduate, but please loosen up! You are so tense, this is the day to get the giggles out and have fun exaggerating your roles, si? If they disrupt dress rehearsal in 2 months, then I will leave them to your wrath."

Crossing his arms, Arthur huffed but didn't argue with the teacher. He took his seat once more so the story reading could continue. Hopefully the antics would stop in the days to come. Oh but how wrong he was.

Days later, they had their first blocking session, scripts in hand. Katyusha was center stage with the queen, the ‘egg’ in her hands being a basketball. She began speaking in her grandmother voice. “Now listen closely. You are to take this egg to a very warm room, covered in blankets. Leave it there for 3 months. When it hatches into a baby doll, you will be pregnant.”

Alfred was snickering backstage again, whispering to Liz. “Is that really what the original story said? The egg turns into a doll then turns into a baby? What kind of messed up magic is that?”

Rolling her eyes, Liz shushed him and listened as Kat continued to read. “When you birth your child, so too will the doll become a baby. You must assign a nanny to the child, so that you may focus on your own. Understand?”

Maddie gave a short nod as she responded, trying to sound regal. “Yes. But this is such a kind gift to give, surely you must have some conditions?”

Eduard began narrating again as the lights went dark on stage. “The old woman did have conditions. The first being that when the children were given names, she must be invited to give the egg child a name. The name she picked? Annette. Her second condition was that she could visit Anette every night.”

Arthur glared at anyone who dared laugh at him. Liz had cast him in the lead, though little did he know that he had been cast as a girl. Honestly, he should have been cast in the prince role of Alfred's, but nooo the jock had to come in with a sudden interest in drama club. Honestly, what a waste of a good role. The lad could hardly act.

Alfred came on stage, running around like a little kid would be, making everyone backstage laugh. Even Eduard couldn't help himself as he tried to read his next lines. “And so the children grew up separated. They knew there was another child in the castle, but hardly had time to spend together. Prince Alfred was being groomed into a future King, while Annette was kept at separate lessons, learning to be a proper lady.”

Sitting at the little school desk they'd ‘borrowed’ from the local grade school, Arthur continued to fume about his role. Alfred meanwhile, was standing proud with a fake sword in hand, charging at the extras with it while they were trying to get their blocking work marked by tape on the floor. Honestly, he was such a child. Maybe that was why Liz had given him the role on the first place.

Eduard continued his narration as the blocking team had the two lead roles come to center stage in front of what would eventually be a coffin, if the prop team ever finished it. “When the children reached the age of 10, tragedy struck...”

Alfred got on his knees by the coffin and fake cried loudly. Good lord, the lad had some lungs on him. Arthur himself refused to cringe out of character, and laid over the prop coffin, little fake sobs escaping him. That just left Gilbert to walk in and deliver his lines. As much as Arthur hated to admit it, Gil could act fairly well, the broken hearted expression he had as he touched the prop coffin seeming rather convincing. “Farewell my beloved wife...”

Another wail from Alfred had finally snapped that delicate thread inside Arthur's mind, keeping him from strangling the guy. “Jones, I swear to God, if you do that on the day of the performance, I will castrate you and give you something to really cry about!”

That made Al and Gil both burst into a fit of giggles. So they had planned that, had they? Arthur's eye twitched, glare shifting between the two trouble makers of the troupe. “Gilbert, I expected more out of you. You're a bloody senior! Jones, I only have so much patience for idiots.”

“Alright!” Mr. Vargas popped in with a sigh, but he still smiled, “I think we all need a break from this heavy atmosphere. Arthur, take Alfred into the dressing rooms and teach him to fake cry. Gilbert, your brother is calling for you. Ten minutes everyone!”

Arthur sent a glare Alfred's way, then turned to go down into the dressing rooms under the stage. What he didn't see after he'd descended, was Alfred giving himself a pep talk. “Okay man, get your head in the game! This is the moment you waited for!”

Down in the dressing room, Arthur was reading his next line. “How could she leave us like this?”

Alfred heard it, and decided he would enter smoothly and act like a pro to impress Arthur. Even though he had no idea how to act, and a few stray beads on the floor would be his downfall. Literally. “Mommyyyyyy!! Please don't leave meeee!!!” He whined out exaggeratedly, “Daddy, what will we d-- WAAAH!"

Arthur watched him hit the ground, expression neutral. “Congratulations, Jones, that was your most convincing scream to date.”

Cheeks red from embarrassment, Alfred got to his feet once more, taking a seat across from Arthur on the benches. “Am I that bad?”

“I'll put it nicely.” Arthur began, but then he shook his head. “Actually, no I won't. You're horrible, especially at crying. It's like you've never seen someone cry in your life. Honestly, where have you seen anyone cry like that?”

Before Alfred could respond, Arthur held up a hand. “Try the line again, but this time, say it while imagining something awful. Like a loved one dying in your arms, or those cursed commercials for the animal shelters.”

“So it can be anything? As long as it makes me cry?” Alfred asked, getting a nod in response from Arthur. “Okay...”

Taking a deep breath, Alfred closed his eyes, imagining the scene from a game that had made him bawl for days. He opened his teary blue eyes and stared at the script. “M-Mommy, please don't leave me. Daddy w... what will we do?”

Arthur actually smiled. Honest to God, he smiled, Alfred couldn't believe it. “So what were you thinking about?”

“What was I thinking about..?” Alfred felt himself flush, seeing as no one other than Gil and his friend Kiku knew how much of a nerd he really was. “Uhh... j-just a sad moment in a game, nothin too special.”

It didn't seem like Arthur was buying that, with the way his eyebrow raised. Alfred eventually sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was thinking of Aerith’s death scene in Final Fantasy Seven...”

The way Arthur's eyes lit up in recognition, Alfred would have sworn that the guy had played the game before, but there was no way that was possible, right? Someone like Arthur Kirkland didn't play video games, there was just no way Alfred was that lucky. Oh, how the fates were kind to him today. Arthur leaned forward and spoke lowly. “You've played a Final Fantasy?”

Alfred was practically bouncing in his chair as he gushed about how he'd played all of the Final Fantasy games, which were his favorites, and finding out which were Arthur's favorites too. They'd lost track of time down there, until Kiku and Maddie had come down to retrieve them. After a talk like that, Alfred could feel more of a connection with Arthur now, and that was exactly why he had joined the drama club in the first place.

A few weeks passed, and they were able to do almost half of the play with no scripts. Only a few costumes were done though, so sometimes they had to stop their practice for a fitting. Gilbert waved his arms dramatically. “Fear not my children, for I have found a new wife! A widowed Queen from a neighboring land, we will join our lands together and become one of the most powerful Kingdoms around!”

Alfred bit his lip, turning to Arthur and trying to stay in character. He was still a little flat when delivering some lines, and this was one of them. “Oh no, Annette, I think father has gone power mad!”

Arthur tsked but said nothing to break character, instead looking nervous. “I hope this woman is kind to us...”

Natalia, Katyusha’s little sister, entered the stage dressed in all black. She was their very own drama goth, so she'd been picked for the spot of the dreaded stepmother. Putting on an angry sneer, she walked and pushed Alfred and Arthur to the ground, fake kicking them. “You listen here you brats, things are going to be changing. I'll have a child of my own with your father, and then they will be the ruler of the land, understand?”

Arthur whimpered and ran to stage left, which was the location of his room in the castle. That left Alfred to take another beating before going off stage. Nat cackled madly, Gilbert smiling and unaware, his character too wrapped up in his own power to think of the children. Eduard cleared his throat and began narration once more. “The poor children were beaten daily, and Annette often retreated to her room with no supper. The child born of an egg went to the basket left in her room, hoping to find a scrap a food, but only a single goose feather was there.”

Wearily, Arthur opened his ‘window’ and threw the goose feather prop towards the audience. “Is there no one who would help us? Does no one see us suffer?”

There was racket backstage before Kat ran in, doing a twirl and smiling at Arthur. “Hello my dear, sweet child.”

Arthur gasped loud enough that an audience would be able to hear. “Who are you? Please do not hurt me!”

“Be still, my dear,” Kat continued in her grandmotherly tone, “I am your godmother. I'm here to take care of you. Look into that basket again, and inside you will find endless food. Should you ever have need of me, just throw the feather out a window once more.”

With that, Kat exited the stage, twirling again as she went behind the curtains. Arthur held up the basket and pulled out a bagel, smiling to himself. “We are saved.”

Mr. Vagas clapped for them, smiling. “Alright, curtains will close, and that will be the end of the first half so we will enter intermission and allow the audience a breather.”

Arthur sighed, eating the bagel, which was the lunch he'd decided to bring with him, and he retrieved a bottle of water. If only he could make tea backstage, it was so much better for his throat between acts. Perhaps he should invest in a portable kettle. His thoughts trailed off as he stared across the backstage area, where a little basketball game had been started between Gilbert and Alfred. They had both taken their shirts off, and good lord, was it getting hot in here?

That beautifully tanned skin had to be fake right? Arthur wondered if Alfred actually went to a tanning salon or something, though he figured that would just be ridiculous. Those muscles too, how unfair. Of course, the lad was an active sports player almost all year, so naturally he would have a very nice body- Arthur stopped himself before he could think anymore on it. His cheeks felt hot, and he wasn't sure why he was getting these kinds of feelings for Alfred Bloody Jones of all people.

Of course, they did have a little more in common than Arthur had expected, so it wasn't like he would reject the thoughts altogether. Alfred just had to be straight, so he didn't want to get his own pan little hopes up. Thank God Francis was busy with wardrobe, or he'd have homed in on Arthur's attraction from a mile away. Damn nosy arse. Ah well, with his bagel finished, Arthur just decided to go to a corner and work on his lines. Alone.

The dress rehearsal was getting closer and closer, with nearly all the costumes finished now. It had been almost a month since Arthur had his little revelation unto himself, but he'd kept quiet about it. He didn't want anyone catching on, so offstage he chose to avoid Alfred as much as possible. It was the only logical step to take.

“Eight years of beatings continued for the prince and the princess, and with the Queen gone, no one other than the godmother herself knew the magic behind Annette’s birth. She just became known as the sickly princess, who had been hidden away because of her health. A ruse made up by the father, most likely, to cease any rumors of infidelity.” Eduard narrated on, his tone becoming more serious. “Then, on their 18th birthday, the Kingdom was invaded by the army of a powerful and dark King, who had recently begun attacking neighboring lands. The stepmother was killed where she stood, the King captured, and the children, now grown adults, were separated in the chaos. Prince Alfred only just managed to escape, but Annette...”

Alfred was shown sword fighting as Eduard narrated this, Gilbert in chains being dragged away from the lifeless body of Nat. Arthur was huddled on the side of the stage with his room, shaking in fear. As Alfred ran offstage, he shouted. “I will be back to claim my throne, you villains!”

As extras roamed the stage, acting as if they were looking for survivors, Arthur dug around in the basket he'd been left, then he clutched the goose feather in his hands. “Please help me!” He shouted as he threw the feather out the ‘window’. “Please Godmother! Take me away from here!”

Katyusha twirled onto the stage and took Arthur's hand, then ran back offstage just as the extras opened the door to the room. The curtain closed and Arthur let out a sigh. He had a moment to rest as the stage was reset for the final act, and decided to wander around the prop area, looking at their progress. The coffin was almost complete, the paper mache egg now finished drying it's paint. Everything looked to be in order.

“Ah, mon ami, come to check on the true artiste of this troupe~?” An irritating voice that could only belong to Francis chimed in from behind Arthur. “I have completed your dresses, all of them are magnificent, if I do say so myself. Come come, big brother would like to show you~”

Arthur frowned, but followed him anyway. It would be more of a hassle to ignore Francis anyway. “You're not my brother, frog, and I already tried the dresses on. What do you really want?”

A smirk from Francis told Arthur all he needed to know before the words even left the man's lips. “I see that you have been avoiding a certain troupe member lately. Do give me a the details~ I know you have gotten a crush on our newest member, oui?”

“Oh come off it, you're delusional.” Arthur snapped, though the flush on his cheeks gave him away. “Honestly, just stay out of my business! It doesn't concern you.”

“Ah but affairs of the heart always concern moi, I am the most knowledgeable, after all.” Francis threw an arm over his head dramatically, proving himself to be the only overactor worse than Alfred. “Now now, I believe you two could work! You just need a little push is all!”

Arthur didn't give Francis a response other than a two finger salute. If only he had seen the look Francis had sent to Liz, giving her the go ahead to enact their plan. Smirk in place, Francis mused to himself. “Ohoho, I never said you would know the push was coming, petite lapin.”

The day of dress rehearsal arrived, the whole stage buzzing with the stress and excitement of last minute touches and adjustments for the performance tomorrow. They were even planning on having an overnight lockdown here on the stage, so they had all brought sleeping bags, and a few parents had tagged along, designated as chaperones for the night who would patrol in shifts.

Arthur himself had went out and bought that portable kettle, making endless cups of tea to calm his pre-performance jitters. Once his name was called, he returned to the stage, now changed from a torn regal dress to a ragged patched one. Eduard began narrating as he walked through the audience area, holding the basket close. “The Godmother had taken Annette far into the country, leaving her with the basket for food, and a fleeting hope that one day she would be happy again. And so she lived out an entire year among the common folk.”

To the right of the stage, Alfred entered in a set of fake armor with a wooden sword, holding it aloft as he charged onto the stage. “For my mother!” He cried out. “And for my Kingdom!

He really was rather good at these heroic parts, Arthur noted. Probably all those video game protagonists influencing him. Which would also explain his god awful crying from before. Alfred attacked the enemy knights onstage then knocked the crown off the head of the fake King, taking it and holding it up. “I have reclaimed my birthright!”

Arthur smiled, almost clapping for the lad before he realized he needed to begin heading backstage for his dress change. Eduard narrated in the meantime. “The Kingdom rejoiced at having the royal line returned, though they grieved for their lost King and Princess alike. Prince Alfred took the throne, but needed a Queen to rule with him, so he decided to throw a grand ball, inviting any and all who wished to attend and have a chance at his heart.”

Arthur came back onstage in a simple gown, goose feather in hand. He threw the feather and Kat once again twirled onto the stage. “Godmother, I wish to go to the party, but this gown was all I could afford... do you think it is enough?” 

Kat smiled at him, waving her wand. “You must make an entrance that will last, my dear! Let me spruce this up for you!”

This was the dress that Francis had absolutely outdone himself on. With a simple bow untied in the back, Kat pulled around a fancier silk design for the skirt, then pulled off a false front for the corset and tossed it offstage, revealing a beautifully embroidered bodice. Arthur had been reluctant to lend his needlework skills to this, but it had all turned out beautifully.

Arthur gave an absolutely glowing smile, throwing his arms around Nat in a hug. “Oh thank you Godmother! I look like a proper lady again!”

Music started, which signifies the beginning of the ball, and Arthur hurried to center stage, where Alfred stepped up, looking Arthur over. “Woah...” He broke character a moment before clearing his throat and bowing, offering a hand to Arthur. “Ah, may I have this dance, my lady?”

Cheeks red hot from the slip, Arthur took the offered hand, a shy smile on his face. He couldn't tell if it was him, or Annette Who had these feelings right now. It felt almost like both, as if he were in character as himself and her at the same time. They did a short waltz across the stage, almost losing themselves in the moment. Arthur eventually delivered his line. “Do you not recognize me, good sir?”

Alfred looked confused for a moment, before he stuttered out his own line. “You do seem familiar, have we met before, fair lady?”

One of the extras forming the ballroom crowd pointed to Arthur. “Look! His majesty has found the lost Princess!”

“Yes! That is her for certain! No other maiden is so beautiful!” Another of them chimed in.

“Lost Princess? Sister?” Alfred took a step back, eyes wide. “Are you truly her? Annette?”

Arthur smiled and gave a nod of affirmation. “If only circumstances were different... perhaps we could have shared one more dance.”

On that line, Kat made her way onto the stage one last time. “Oh but the circumstances are different, dear ones, for Annette is not your sister at all! She is the missing Princess of a Kingdom across the sea. I had brought her here to your mother, Prince Alfred, so that she would be safely hidden away from the wizard that rules her birth home.”

Arthur looked to Kat then to Alfred, eyes wide. “So then, we are not of the same blood? Truly?”

“No, you are not, dear child. You are free to marry, if you so wish.” With that, Katyusha left the stage, leaving them all to stare in awe.

“A glorious day it is!” Alfred shouted his line happily. “We will be wed as soon as possible!” He then pulled Arthur into a tight hug, but a shout from Mr. Vargas made them all freeze.

“Wait wait! Hmmm, this seems so stale, where is the passion? The romance?” The teacher tapped his chin then grinned and snapped his fingers. “Liz, we will go with your revision and change the hug to a kiss!”

“WHAT!?” 

The shout of surprise came from both Alfred and Arthur, who were both standing shocked on stage. Arthur was the first to speak up. “N-Now see here! I-I didn't agree to any k-k-kiss! Especially not with HIM!”

Alfred held up his hands. “I-I’ve never k-kissed anyone before! Can't we just leave it as the hug??”

Mr. Vargas sighed, but stood firm. “It is just a stage kiss! Fake it if you have to, but there will be a kiss for the end, understand? Good, now take a break all! Set up your sleeping bags, we will take our rest for the night, and make finishing adjustments in the morning before the show!”

Even as everyone else cleared the stage area, Arthur was still too shocked to move. He wasn't sure if he could go through with this, even if it was just a stage kiss! Alfred seemed to be in the same state as him, but eventually he turned his attention to the green eyed male beside him. “M-Maybe we should- uh, practice? Y-You know, take some time tonight to find a way to fake it so it looks real...?”

Arthur glanced at Alfred, noting that his cheeks were red as can be, just like his own. “I s-suppose that would work. Ah, how about in the dressing room? Where we won't have so many... unwanted prying eyes.”

He'd glared right at Liz and Francis when he spoke those words, the two quickly going back to setting up their sleeping area. The wankers were just trying to play innocent. Arthur took Alfred's arm and swept him away to the changing rooms beneath the stage, checking in case anyone was around before he felt satisfied enough to begin.

“Alright, how do you propose we do this? A cheek kiss?” Arthur asked as he pondered the thought himself. “No, that's not believable enough... hmm, perhaps just a corner of the mouth kiss? Still convincing enough, right?”

“Uh... um- sure?” It was pretty clear that Alfred didn't know shit all about kissing, so he left for Arthur to figure out. He just sat there, nervously fiddling with his hoodie.

Arthur took a deep breath, steeling himself, before he pointed to the very corner of his mouth. “You'll put your lips here, okay?”

Shakily, Alfred agreed, and he inched forward a little, just barely touching his lips to the side of Arthur's face. The feeling was like setting his skin on fire. “Like this...?”

Only giving a hum in reply, Arthur was trying to mask his own embarrassment. “I... I don't think it's convincing enough, try- try a little closer.”

Complying, Alfred moved his head a little so that their lips were now fully touching. His hands were sweating like crazy, and his heart kept feeling like it was on a roller coaster drop. “Is this... okay?”

The way Alfred's lips moved when he spoke sent a shiver all through Arthur, and he decided to fuck all, it was now or never. “Closer.” He demanded before he slid a hand to the back of Alfred's neck and kissed the lad in earnest.

That move basically short circuited Alfred's brain, but he didn't even care, because his wildest dreams had just come true. He was kissing Arthur freaking Kirkland! Once their lips came apart, all he could blurt out was one word. “Again?”

Arthur couldn't help but chuckle, moving closer to Alfred. “Sure, love. Again.”

Liz and Francis were spying from the outside window, trying to hold in their giggles. Things had gone just as they'd planned. “And they lived--"

“--happily ever after.” Eduard closed the book on his lap as the audience erupted in cheers and clapping. Opening night had been a complete success! As the actors came out to take their bows, Arthur gave Alfred another kiss on the cheek, the pair blushing and giggling like idiots.

Happily ever after indeed.


End file.
